The Science of Step 9 AA: How Making Amends Can Help


living amends

Although recovery in general must be done selfishly (i.e. you must put yourself before others in order to get well), Step Nine is the most selfless of all steps. It’s the point where we acknowledge that our behaviors damage others beyond ourselves. But to rectify this damage, we can’t maintain the same “me first” attitude that many of the other steps require.

Apologizing for the Way You Behaved

living amends

Living amends touches deep parts of our lives and souls if we allow them. A few months back, she was traveling for an extended period of time. Well, the time came to continue my living amends to her and redo her entire master suite, including her bathroom. She came home to what she described as “a completely different house”.

How to be a Good Ally for Someone in Addiction Recovery

  • Step 8 is confronting your mistakes and making a list of people you have hurt with your negative actions.
  • The spiritual purpose of making amends is to find inner peace, freedom, release, and rebirth.
  • Get confidential help for yourself or your loved one through Recreate Behavioral Health Network.
  • For example, if you had an affair for three years during active addiction, visiting your ex to fess up and say you’re sorry isn’t going to help them; it’s going to hurt them.

After all, years of drug or alcohol abuse will not be undone with an apology or a few simple words. We need to prove to our children that we are seriously addressing our addiction, not just offering cheap words. One very effective way to make amends is to go to treatment. At FHE Health, you’ll learn more about Step 9 and what is a living amends how to handle the worst of experiences. For many, this is one of the most important components of recovery, because it allows them to work on rebuilding their relationships and letting go of those they cannot repair. Our team works closely with you throughout this process to help you achieve your goals in recovery.

What If My Attempt to Make Things Right Goes Wrong and Things Get Worse?

Making amends is more than just an apology, it’s changing your life around and changing your ways; eliminating the destructive behaviors that were once part of your life. It’s possible to be too early in the healing journey to start making amends. If you’re actively using drugs or alcohol, making amends can seem like an empty gesture to the other person.

living amends

What Step in AA Is Making Amends?

  • Essentially, don’t make promises that you can’t keep and do everything you can to live up to the promises you do make.
  • Princess Madeleine of Sweden and her family are returning to her home country after living in the United States for six years.
  • That’s why, until Tuesday, drought restrictions were calculated based on Cheney’s water levels.
  • How the other person chooses to respond to our amends is out of our control.

I don’t punish them with silence (although I did do that in the past). The only thing we can show people today is our love, commitment and patience. The FHE Health team is committed to providing accurate information that adheres to the highest standards of writing. This is part of our ongoing commitment to ensure FHE Health is trusted as a leader in mental health and addiction care.

It’s actually not recommended to make amends in early recovery, as they may not be received well. After you’ve completed steps 1 through 7, you’ll know when it’s the right time to make amends. Sometimes an indirect or living amends is the best you can do. Of course, if you can make direct amends you should do so; this is why having a sponsor or advisor to help give you direction is so important. If you aren’t able to make direct amends, then you can volunteer your time or help someone else out.

living amends

Claim Your Recovery

At the heart of this step is the need for forgiveness and restoration—forgiving yourself, forgiving others, and making amends. Addiction takes over your life, stealing both your joy and your time, and making it impossible for you to give back to others and live a generous life. Instead, as you pursue a life in recovery, focus on being generous with your time and giving back to others. In this way, you can take the focus off of yourself and choose to live a life of greater meaning.

Living amends can help you rid yourself of the pain of guilt and the need to constantly say “I’m sorry” to the people you’ve wronged in your life. When a person has died, you can still make amends for your actions. Although, you’ll have to find a different way to do so and in a way that makes a lasting impact on you and the people you love who are still here. Indirect amends can also be made for creditors and debts. If you have unpaid loans or defaulted credit cards, financial amends need to be dealt with as well. Even though you may not know your creditors personally, these amends are part of your 8th and 9th steps.

In early recovery, parents might feel pressured to make up for lost time and experiences. We’ve had a spiritual awakening, and we suddenly want to fit as much as possible into each day—and we want to quickly repair all the harm we caused during active addiction. I cannot go back and change the past, but I can take responsibility for my actions. Each day I ask my Higher Power for the strength to help me stay sober and live responsibly and with honesty.

  • With these kinds of promises, there may not be enough genuine intention of changing their hurtful patterns and behaviors.
  • Do not try to attempt to work step nine without a sponsor, therapist, or spiritual advisor.
  • Any information you provide to Cake, and all communications between you and Cake, are not protected by an attorney-client privilege and are instead governed by our Privacy Policy.
  • Each person’s experience of addiction and recovery is unique.
  • You may couple that making of amends with a request for forgiveness.